Feeling Less Than

We have all had those moments in life when we have felt less than, unseen, or even unimportant. As a Christian growing up in the church, I thought this feeling of less than might have been the result of a lack of faith. I also wondered if it was related to not being close enough to God or not as actively engaged in the church community as I could have been. Possibly it was my human nature of not admitting my shortcomings enough to Christ or not fully surrendering it all to him.  Now that I have grown older, I realized that those times of feeling less than are not necessarily a shortcoming or lack of faith, but moments that I am reminded my role as a follower of Christ is to sometimes simply be ok with being less than others in this world. Some of you may think that statement sounds self-loathing, but I would challenge you that in those moments of us feeling like this, we can discover more of what God has in store.

I will admit that during the last year there have been times I have felt less than. I haven’t been able to really place my finger on the exact reason why.  There have been times in the past when I could tell you exactly why I felt I wasn’t good enough or wasn’t being seen for who I am or what I may have to offer.  In my teen years trying to keep up the image that everything was normal when I had a storm raging inside my heart, or when we lost our baby Terhaar to a miscarriage many years ago. I can remember feeling so small and unimportant in those moments. During those periods I was in a completely different place in life, and I did find myself experiencing feelings of self-loathing. In my teen years I didn’t always turn to Christ during moments like that, but when we lost our little one, I did turn to Him for comfort and answers. Of course, I still experienced negative feelings in that situation, but they were balanced out by a sense of hope and love.

Fast-forward to this last year of feeling less than. There hasn’t been one primary trigger, but I have been on what seems like a never-ending journey of being unsettled. Not unsettled in my faith but unsettled in life. I am sure many of you can relate through all the changes and challenges we have been going through in our world. This time, amidst the feeling of being less than, I have learned to be humbled. You see feeling less than can be a phrase we use but our meaning may not always be clear to others. It could mean feeling unaccounted for in a group, looked over by others, unworthy of love, or it could even mean feeling alone in a dark place that can’t be described with words. These can be moments where only you and God can understand each other; a place where you have met such an intimacy with God that you were supposed to feel less than for a little while just so you could be so tightly held by Him and He can help you create a path forward. Whatever your feelings of less than mean today, this week, this month or year……know that it may just be in the middle of those feelings that God wants to hold you in His arms and tell you that you are seen, you are worthy, and you are loved. Let Him hold you for as long as needed. I know that this year I have needed a little more time simply spending time in my Father’s arms. No perfect words to say, just silence, tears, and the precious love of God.

Neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord. Romans 8:29

 My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore, I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. 2 Corinthians 12:9

Rest in Him,

Pastor Hope Terhaar