The Heavy Heart

Lately, the feeling of a heavy heart has invaded my whole world.  I have been walking through this season with my bible in hand and eyes seeking what God has planned for the next steps.  Although this last month something has changed. I feel like God has called me to ministry to not just be the person who always has a smile and joy on my face, but also a person who is ok with showing pain at times.  The heavy heart that I am experiencing lately comes from many areas of my life. I would be surprised if many of you reading this have not experienced a heavy heart in the last 5-6 months yourself.

This condition of a heavy heart makes it difficult to rest.  Honestly, there has been very little rest in this period of life for me.  This last Sunday during Sunday school, the lesson was about Job. The topic of the lesson was “painful prayers”.  As we know Job had many painful experiences and struggled with even understanding what was going on in his world at that time. During that period he had painful and honest prayers and conversations with God.  As I have been in this heavy-hearted time I recognize the painful prayers/conversations I have had with God as well.  Whether it be the painful prayers I prayed for healing over my friend who passed recently, prayers about what to do for ministry during the pandemic, or the countless hours I prayed for healing over my aunt who was as close to me as a mother. Through these painful prayers, I have tried to understand God’s plan, but that hasn’t always been clear. Ultimately Job acknowledges that his own human knowledge can never fully comprehend God’s unlimited power.  This is where sometimes I simply have to sit.  I have to sit with knowing that it is not my job to understand because I am human, it is my job to walk in faith and know that God is in control.  As I write those words my heart feels some joy, yet some heaviness remains.  You see, knowing God is in control is a truth we can hold tightly to, but our hearts are human and they still have pain.  The beauty of it all is that God knows our humanness and understands that we have a difficult time with this heaviness. He sits and waits with us. He weeps with us. He whispers comfort and he wraps his arms around us all while we, in our humanness, try to comprehend his almighty power.

“I know that you can do all things; no purpose of yours can be thwarted.
You asked, ‘Who is this that obscures my plans without knowledge?’ Surely I spoke of things I did not understand, things too wonderful for me to know. “You said, ‘Listen now, and I will speak; I will question you, and you shall answer me.’ My ears had heard of you, but now my eyes have seen you.” Job 42: 2-5

Today I ask you to examine what heaviness is in your heart. What do you need to be ready to listen to God about?  Listen, my friends, He is waiting to answer, and He is capable of bringing us peace and rest even when it seems impossible.

Blessings,
Pastor Hope Terhaar